Last day of the year...

Its the last day of the year - or almost. 

Has anything changed with me? No, but I believe I have maintained my weight from January to December...  counting the ups and downs over the months I am right where I started.

Is this year going to be any different? I certainly hope so! But I said that last year...

Who is it up to? Me... always me...

Who's fault is it that I am not losing weight and keeping it off?  Me...

Do I get support? Not at home... but I do from friends.

I have a hubby that just doesn't understand why it  is so hard for me to lose weight and keep it off. He doesn't understand temptations... I don't understand temptations!  He doesn't understand when I am feeling really fat and cry - I go for chocolate, chips or the like - he then voices his opinion - not one I am looking for and it makes me feel even worse.

 I don't want to make him look bad cause I love him dearly but he just doesn't have any empathy in this matter.
I have a husband that weight loss comes very easy.  Oh, he gains and gets a little chunky lookin'.  But then he sets his mind to "taking off a few pounds" and its gone - off - caputz - and stays off.  How does he do it?  He cuts out desserts and decreases his serving sizes.  In his words "he doesn't eat so damn much".
The fat jokes.. I am so tired of the fat jokes!  He says they are not geared towards me - he tells me I am beautiful -  but I take the jokes very personally.  How can I believe that he thinks I am beautiful when I don't believe it myself?

I was with my Mom one day (a few weeks ago)and we were with a very large group of people... she pointed out a woman in the group and said "Marianne she reminds me so much of you! You look so much like her!"  I looked around to see who she was talking about and nearly gasped... that woman looked far from what I wanted to look like.  Not to slam the poor unbeknownst lady but her looks were not what I imagined myself to be.   I did say "Really? thanks" but a tad sarcastically - I don't think my mom caught the tone.  Truthfully, I looked at the lady for some time (glancing so as not to stare) and I could see where my Mom was coming from but my brain was screaming "NOOOOO". 

My FIL said today that if he had to stay in the house all the time he would gain 50lbs in a big hurry - food is just too accessible and he would munch all day...  He also said when he is outside working he isn't around food and if he gets a bit hungry or thirsty he grabs water from the barn - or a veggie out of the garden (in summer).  Instead of a cookie or candy that is laying around.  Now HE understands!   When my hubby heard this he just shrugged - no comment.

I have glamor photo's of myself when I was 20 something and I had a one year old baby.  I was pretty, beautiful and just the right weight.  I know I won't look that "young" again and its not age that is distressing me - its the matronly look I have issues with (on me).   I see beauty in everyone else no matter their weight - I see their accomplishments, caring, giving personalities.  But for me I only see my weight, my grumpiness, laziness, disappointment, negativity. 
At my last WW meeting they asked "What is your New Years Resolution"  I piped up with "Being more positive" 
Well, I am not off to a very good start - thank goodness there is still one more day left to this year where I can try and change my thinking for the New Year.

Whoa I kind of got carried away here with some deep feelings.  Sorry about the rant but I have been carrying this around for quite some time.

On the Road again

I guess I could put this title up nearly every day of the week.
After having a great weight loss one week I have slowly creaped up and destroyed my hard work.
So, I am on the band wagon again - have brought home my meetings tracker and plan to get organized and DO THIS!

I don't want my new book from WW to be showing my weight going up and up I want it to be filled with happy #'s of going down.

I want to eliminate the "what the heck", "oh well's", "whatever"... and get down to business!

I don't believe in New Year Resolutions... I believe in the now, today, this second.  So here I go..