Crashing

I am really at a crash and burn.  Last week I gained 3 lbs.  I was doing so well and the coin flipped and completely destroyed everything I had done and more.
WI is coming up again on Wednesday.  I really don't want to go - I have been fighting and fighting and fighting to get this weight off and I seem to only gain.
I wanted to have 20 lbs off before dh and I took a trip to Europe to a wedding ( it was totally doable under normal circumstances) - its going to be formal wear.  I am going to look like a big fat cow in a bunch of ruffles.
I hate the way I look - I really do - I don't feel beautiful anymore  - I definitely don't feel sexy.  Faaaaaaaaaaaaar from it.
I shouldn't have to absorb myself in a stringent way of eating and not get another thing done... it seems if I am not thinking about absolutely everything I eat, I gain.  a handful of chocolates in 7 days should not destroy the number on the scale!
I am at a severely low moment and its not going to get better cause there is no way I can lose 20 lbs in 2 weeks. I can't even lose 5 lbs in 2 weeks. 
I'm tired of this, I really am. 
I need to shop for a formal dress - I don't want to do it.  I would rather miss the wedding.
My hair is gross too.  I hate my short hair.  I want my long healthy hair back... but that is just a dream - I haven't had long healthy looking hair for 4 or more years.  my hair just won't grow.  Heck it took 35 years to get as long as it did.
My husband was right.  Don't throw the fat clothes away - I need them now.
I have a very beautiful formal gown but I am too fat to get into it.

Signed,
Smothered in tears

Wacky Weekend

Can you say WHAT?
I had one heck of a wacky weekend and my journalling went all to h#ll and gone yonder...
Now its time for damage control!
But FIRST

Get that pizza out of my house!
and the valentines chocolate! Yikes!
Oh and WHY did I have that ice cream cake at my mothers birthday (cause I bought it? *head hang low*  *sheepish grin*)
and I let myself get too hungry yesterday before we went to the party and it started late so I was STARVING... the first bowl of munchies that came out.. well  I MUNCHED.

Back at it.. I have time to save myself LOL