yeah I gained

nuff said...

Week 5/ Day 4 before

Today is WI - I really don't want to go... I will get there right when the meeting starts... the first thing my mom will ask is "how did you do?"  *sigh*
I have been doing nothing
I really am having major issues with getting into the frame of mind that this is a life long thing and I have to watch everything ALL the time. 
When I eat, I just want to eat and move on.  I don't want anything fancy, I don't even cook fancy.  I really don't care how my plate looks as long as I like whats on my plate.
I just want to go along with my daily stuff and not obsess!
Okay am I now obsessing over not obsessing?
*sigh*
I don't know...
Well, I better get to WI or I will be getting texts of "where are u?" 
I'll be back...

Week 4/ Day 4 Hmmmm

Okay, after my little pity party yesterday I went to WI today and stayed the same... I had gained 2.4 lbs the week before and figured I was continuing my upward run again.
At least I didn't do any damage this week.  It was that time of the month last week which was probably the main cause of my pity party
*sigh*  now to slap myself up the side of the head and get back on track. 

Today at my WW meeting they passed around cards.. you had to write your name on the outside and on the inside you put down your summer goal... around mid September they will pull these cards from our file and see if each person reached their goal.

My goal?  Well I put down " lose 10 more lbs and get out and walk/steps more". 
I think that is doable - it should be doable.  I shouldn't get into a slump or be mad at myself in September unless I completely fall off the wagon over summer.   I certainly don't plan to do that!

Onward and downward...

Week 4/ Day 3

Failed again.
I have not been strict... that is the only way I can lose weight.  I have not made it my single most thought... I am gaining my weight back again - that near 6 pounds that I lost is coming back on in rapid succession...
I'm sick of this... I am at a low emotionally - big low AGAIN.
why should I have to be so strict to get results?
*sigh*
I hate this...
I hate being fat...
I hate how much work it takes to get my fat off...
I hate the way I look...
I hate that my hair is short and that it won't grow...
I hate that tomorrow is WI and I will be disappointed again...
I hate that I feel this way...
I hate that I have failed...
I hate that there is a certain someone that thinks they can fix me by telling me I am going at it all wrong and that I should do it their way -
I hate that their way has already been tried and I know it doesn't work but they won't believe me.
I hate that I have been told I am full of self pity...
I hate that I am told they won't listen to me any more cause they've heard it all before.
I hate that I get tired of following strict guidelines and get sabotaged
I hate that I feel ugly in more ways than one
I hate seeing myself in a recent picture cause I am fat and my hair is so thin it can't hold a barrette of any kind
I hate seeing myself in a past picture cause I was beautiful, relatively thin and had long hair that could be braided and could hold a barrette
I hate that it has come to writing all this down...
*sigh*
I hate that I repeat myself so much.. I am off again, on again, off again, on again... same old story - boring story.
Whatever...

I'll bounce back... literally... unless I become too fat to bounce

Yeah this is a bit of a beat me up post.   I am just extremely frustrated with everything and I mean everything... myself included.  
I always hope I'll be successful so that I have something to cheer with others about but my dreams aren't becoming a reality they are becoming a frustration.
Give me a sack dress any day - they are really comfortable.
Okay, I am running out of things to beat myself up with...
maybe I can move on now.

Day 3 / Week 3

Holy Toledo!  So much for posting here every day!
Okay I will be honest - I haven't been doing well.. but I haven't been doing bad...
My skirt is still loose feeling but I haven't stepped on a scale. 
I haven't eaten stupid - just haven't tracked.
I have been forgetting my water... gotta get that back on track again...
tomorrow is WI and I will figure out the damage and get my butt in gear again
Hopefully I haven't destroyed my progress so far

Day 3/ Week 2

Tuesday...
Another office day - got some walking in to and from the laundry room and the barn for more paperwork!
Eating wise was spot on..
Tonight we went out for dinner with some company and I made a very good choice.  Actually I didn't think I would be full enough but after 2 glasses of water, a side salad and a small turkey wrap I am FULL.  Almost too full.
I think I have shrunk my stomach.. that is a good thing.  It could also be because I ate a wrap... I haven't had bread or wheat in over a week so that could be part of the issue.
It tasted good and I will have another glass of water soon then head for bed. 
Hopefully I will get a good sleep tonight - sometimes they come few and far between. 
Tomorrow is WI day and that I am looking forward to.

Day 2/ Week 2

Monday... I have started writing the days on here cause I am confusing myself on the Days and Weeks LOL mainly the days.
Monday was an office sit down and be at a computer most of the day.
Did I get anything accomplished? Well, a few things but not as much as I would like. 
Why am I here? Well, I am trying not to get behind on my blog!
So with that said... Monday went fine although lacking exercise and movement.
Tuesday is no different.  I HAVE to get caught up on my office work.
So I am leaving this post to put my nose to the grind stone and get 'er done!
Tomorrow is WI...
Hopefully that will be more exciting than this post.
Maybe this post was exciting... I talked of yesterday, today and tomorrow - although briefly!

Day 1/ Week 2 & measure

Sunday... when things are slow on the farm this is our day of rest.
Today I did some measuring...

Bust 43   down 1/2"
Waist 38   down 2"
Hips 41    down 1"

I'm good on that!  My clothes are definitely fitting better... and I am pleased that my bust isn't disappearing faster than other areas lol

On this day we went and visited an Aunt that is in a Care Home.  She hasn't been well so we went in to cheer her up.. plus we promised her a grad picture of our son.
On the way home we stopped for lunch... I do my research before I order things and I ate very healthy. I cart my water bottle with me every where I go.. that's great until you have to use the washroom and there is none to be found! LOL
Dinner was no different.  I made a yummy veggie soup, BBQ steaks and some home made baking powder biscuits.  I had a big bowl of soup and a small piece of steak and yes I had a biscuit.  Delish!
Onto week 2... I WI in 2 days... I look forward to seeing what the scale tells me...

Day 7/ Week 1

So I woke on Saturday with lots of ideas in my head of what to wear and what to eat... big thing I didn't know was what we would be eating at my sons Prom for Dinner.
I washed, ironed and got my boys men  ready for the Prom Dinner.  I even laid out 3 outfits and had them decide which would be best.   Normally I have a body image issue... but I very much let that slide and enjoyed what I looked like - If they liked what I looked like then so should I.

The time came and off to the Prom we went.
The food started to be laid out (I had a snack before we left so I wasn't starving at the buffet)
I filled my plate with fresh garden salad, lots of raw veggies,  some salmon and a chicken breast.  I ate, was satisfied and didn't even look at the desserts... the flowing chocolate fountain... okay I looked at the fountain but that was all - I had nothing.
The best part was the servers kept coming around to the tables and filling our water glasses.  I only drink water so that was great! (made for a few trips to the bathroom but it was still great!)  Hubby was even "behaved"... he tried to tempt me with describing some desserts but I wasn't interested.  He didn't go up either so we both did well.

It was a late night and little sleep was had keeping track of where my son was throughout the night but all is well that ends well.

Day 6/ Week 1

Whoa!!!! Near catastrophe!
I was doing good in the morning - okay that is. I didn't get much moving in cause I was doing computer work. As the day wore on I could feel myself getting lazy... and my son hadn't taken the last 2 pieces of pizza that were in the fridge. (DANGER!)  I went to the fridge several times ( that was my activity LOL) open, "NOOOO", close... walk away. 
Lucky when my son got home the first thing he did was go to the fridge and eat that pizza!   Now its gone!  PHEW one problem solved.

Later, my mother came over and we had to go to the Mall to get her cell phone checked out and I needed a dress for my sons Prom amongst other things.  My mom only stayed long enough for the phone issue and she tootled home.  I then took on the unpleasant job of shopping for a formal dress for myself.
It is very hard to find a modest formal dress!  Everything is no sleeves, above the knee, low front, low back... they all have one or more of these features.  When I had a lady help me (I had picked out a skirt and was looking for a formal top) she grabbed tops with graffiti on the front and other such casual items.  I don't think people know the meaning of formal. 
Anyway, I did pick out a dress and a skirt... I think I will wear the skirt with a top I already have... this marathon took me more time than I had planned.  I called home and hubby had been in from the barn for an hour and hadn't eaten supper.
Well, I knew what I wanted for supper but it wasn't made and hubby doesn't really cook.  It would take me longer to explain what to do than to do it myself... but that would make for a very very late supper.  Soooo, I went to McDonald's.
Now, before you GASP.  I firmly believe that fast food places DO serve healthy food choices.  Think about it... salads (and they package the extras so you can decide to put them on or not); fruit and yogurt, apple slices, water... there ARE healthy choices.    But my problem can be when I get there I waiver and don't make those healthy choices.
But last night I did.   I ordered the Thai salad with grilled chicken (no extras just the fork) and a fruit n yogurt parfait... for hubby I ordered a Grilled chicken BLT and a Fruit n yogurt parfait and we had water at home.
I was happy with my choice and happy I didn't waiver cause I let myself go too long (missed my afternoon snack) and I was really hungry.  Once I ate dinner I was satisfied and  I enjoyed snuggle time with my hubby.
All ended good and I got a good night sleep... now to make it through Day 7!
Challenge:  Sons Prom - don't know what is being served