Week 4/ Day 3

Failed again.
I have not been strict... that is the only way I can lose weight.  I have not made it my single most thought... I am gaining my weight back again - that near 6 pounds that I lost is coming back on in rapid succession...
I'm sick of this... I am at a low emotionally - big low AGAIN.
why should I have to be so strict to get results?
*sigh*
I hate this...
I hate being fat...
I hate how much work it takes to get my fat off...
I hate the way I look...
I hate that my hair is short and that it won't grow...
I hate that tomorrow is WI and I will be disappointed again...
I hate that I feel this way...
I hate that I have failed...
I hate that there is a certain someone that thinks they can fix me by telling me I am going at it all wrong and that I should do it their way -
I hate that their way has already been tried and I know it doesn't work but they won't believe me.
I hate that I have been told I am full of self pity...
I hate that I am told they won't listen to me any more cause they've heard it all before.
I hate that I get tired of following strict guidelines and get sabotaged
I hate that I feel ugly in more ways than one
I hate seeing myself in a recent picture cause I am fat and my hair is so thin it can't hold a barrette of any kind
I hate seeing myself in a past picture cause I was beautiful, relatively thin and had long hair that could be braided and could hold a barrette
I hate that it has come to writing all this down...
*sigh*
I hate that I repeat myself so much.. I am off again, on again, off again, on again... same old story - boring story.
Whatever...

I'll bounce back... literally... unless I become too fat to bounce

Yeah this is a bit of a beat me up post.   I am just extremely frustrated with everything and I mean everything... myself included.  
I always hope I'll be successful so that I have something to cheer with others about but my dreams aren't becoming a reality they are becoming a frustration.
Give me a sack dress any day - they are really comfortable.
Okay, I am running out of things to beat myself up with...
maybe I can move on now.