Stamina

Ive been working on things again.  Trying to stay focused. I have gone from using my WW app on my iPhone to writing things down in a 3 month journal.  I write everything down... everything.. even if I don't know the points, I am writing it down anyway. 
I have had some incredibly weak moments - and I had some today... but tomorrow is a new day.

My SIL shared a video on face book and I have decided to share it here.   It touched me deeply - more deeply than I want to admit.

The Amazing Transformation

I have a lot of ideas and hope to put them into action. I fight against myself wanting to do it and the body resisting.  I get tired before I start.

I have decided to step back from more volunteer jobs that I do to make room for me and my hubby.  I have to be careful though as I have the tendency to step back, then sit down.  Or better yet (or not better) fill it with something else to keep me busy instead of focusing on what I should.
Prioritize... what is important
1. family
2. animals
3. hobby
4. health

not necessarily in that order but that is my 4 main focus's.   I tend to get side tracked... each of those "titles" have a huge number of outlets
for example: everything has a responsibility and what I list here is a drop in the bucket to some of the things that I do under each title.

1. Family: my children> my husband>mother>FIL/MIL> nieces> nephews> brothers> SIL's>extended family: cousins>aunts>uncles... etc
2. Animals: farming > cows> sheep> alpaca's >chores > selling >buying > breeding > paperwork > etc
3. Hobby: spinning yarn> weaving>knitting> needlework> genealogy> painting/drawing>  photography> travel > etc
4. Health: getting fit> healthy (happy) weight

All these things take up a LOT of time and juggling it can be quite a challenge for me.  I put on top of all this my volunteer for associations I feel are an outlet and to help stay in touch for my business.  I thrive on improving others and helping them get ahead.  I thrive on teaching and making others feel good.  I love to know what others are doing and cheer them on.
Its easier to cheer on others than to cheer on yourself. 
Its almost more satisfying too. 
Its easier to say "you did good" than 'I did good". 

I have been listening to myself lately when I talk... I talk very negatively on any subject.  I was at a rugby game today and was talking to a lady who was very excited about the game. We got onto the subject of bad coaches and bad players (meaning yelling at Ref or playing dirty).  This game wasn't like that... why did I get on that subject? Why would I say a negative thing like that to bring the other ladies excitement down?  Our team lost 21-20... but that as pretty darn good!  They played hard... so hard in fact that one man broke his collar bone and the other dislocated his shoulder.  Yeah Rugby is a rough game. 
I find I am quick to pick apart... I am my own worst judge... definitely one part of me that I don't like...
One day at WW we were told to stand in front of the mirror every morning for a week and look at yourself, then tell yourself one good thing about you (something different every day).   I promptly forgot to do it but when she mentioned to do it I couldn't think of one good thing to say about myself.  I thought "there is no way I can do this".  Probably why I promptly forgot about it.  I have always looked in the mirror and picked myself apart not told myself whats good about me.  45 years of that kind of training and its fairly stuck - in a rut -
Trying to change that way of thinking isn't easy - I am always looking at "what was", and don't like "what is" but now I am hoping for "what can be"
With the empty nest at home and with both hubby and I needing to get into shape and stick with eating healthy - I am thinking of making one room into a workout/guest room...  not that hubby would use it (that's a whole other post) but if I start maybe he will join me.  Its my journey, but its nice to have company along the way.