Wednesday, May 5, 2010

I promise I won't cry

I am up AGAIN!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!  2.0 lbs to be exact.  I just can't seem to get my head in the game.  I have to work so hard for what I do lose and I am losing this battle.  I am so frustrated - okay, I promised I wouldn't cry but I am.
For some reason I can't stay out of the chocolate chipits... and at around 3pm every day I get these "hunger" craves and I binge.   I was so in control today until 4pm when I came in the house.  Why can't I say no?  Why do I let myself do what I do and then feel incredibly horrible after - physically and mentally?  
I need to meal plan - would it help? I think so... I need to organize myself so that I don't have to "make" dinner.   Or at least know what I am going to have.  When its time to cook dinner I all of a sudden feel VERY tired and don't want to do anything.  I have to figure some way to get over this stupid hump.
I HAVE to get serious and stop allowing myself to not succeed!   I am so frustrated and yet I am still working against myself. 
I HAVE to stop! 
I have gained many lbs that I have worked so hard to get off - why have I done this to myself? I should be at goal - I HAVE To get to goal!
I am now going to go drown myself in water (go drink some water to flush the system) and realize tomorrow is a new day with no mistakes in it.   

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